Just because you are sitting home alone doesn't mean no one is watching you, the ancient great ones are always watching, you're not as alone as you think you are. Remind your friends insight will grant you the ability to see these higher beings by rocking this gorgeous design, both front and back, made by the one and only Mike Lowy of Undefined Graphics printed on unbelievably soft cotton by Bushy Tail Screen Printing.
ships out within 5 days
edition of 100
$10USD
about
The Real Dirty Dan started out as a song for an orchestral black metal project Cody was working on. When plans for that project fell through there was no way we could let this masterpiece fall through the cracks with it and so like a phoenix from the ashes it was resurrected. It's about your typical metal elitist's, I'm sure you know a few people like the main character of this song! It's all done in good fun with a major focus on satire for the lyrics so understand no offence is meant towards any metal elitists, we need them as an example of how not to act in the metal scene!
lyrics
I’ve got patches on my jacket.
All my friends are way tougher than you!
Fuck sleeves, I don’t need sleeves,
check out my fucking sick wolf tattoo!
Oh, cargo shorts are my life
I can choke anyone out with my huge meaty thighs.
My nuts are the size of bowling balls,
my tea bags are deadly,
that’s why I got a 12 inch lift installed my Chevy.
I know why you’re scared of me;
my nipples are pierced, and I’m pushing obese
You don’t know dick, I’ll show you thicc.
I can grow a beard on command.
I can jerk off with no hands.
I don't think you understand,
I'm the real Dirty Dan!
I can deep throat a tallboy,
But I swear I'm not gay.
Just ask my mom I'm super fucking straight.
You think you're tough lets see you back it up!
1v1 me in rust, I'll straight fuck you up.
360 no scopes to put you in a spin,
My K/D wrecks there's no chance that you will ever win!
I’m the King of Opening.
Give me all the things:
Pickles, beer, and jelly
ain’t got shit on me!
I’m so strong, maybe even too strong... holy shit.
I smoke when I chew and I chew all the time,
lungs blacker than the metal I write.
I main line Red Bull, roll coal like a steam boat.
Look at me wrong and Ill punch you in the throat.
I swear to god I’ll punch you in the fucking throat!
I can grow a beard on command.
I can jerk off with no hands.
I don't think you understand,
I'm the real Dirty Dan!
I can deep throat a tallboy,
But I swear I'm not gay.
Just ask my mom I'm super fucking straight.
Oh!
(Cody)
Alright, so you think you're tougher than my fucking dad?
We'll lets see it then!
Get your punk ass up to the stage right fucking now!
Get 'em dad!
My son said you were talking smack.
Punk, do I need to call your dad?
I kicked his ass in high school,
And I’ll kick yours too!
Fuck IPAS I only butt chug PBR.
It’s not a phase, I was born to party hard.
I’m front of the line, Salty Spitoon for the night.
You’re not allowed inside; Weenie Hut Junior is your kind of hype.
I’m the real Dirty Dan, don’t make me show you these hands.
I can grow a beard on command.
I can jerk off with no hands.
I don't think you understand,
I'm the real Dirty Dan!
I can deep throat a tallboy,
But I swear I'm not gay.
Just ask my mom I'm super fucking straight.
This is for all you bitches in the back
let’s see if you can make that ass clap!
Guys, no homo, whip it out let me see you shake that nut sack!
Oh fuck up this pit!
Let’s show them thicc!
credits
from Celestial Insurrection,
track released December 13, 2019
Written and arranged by Cody Betz
Lyrics written by Cody Betz and Dalton Hagen
Vocals performed by Dalton Hagen and Cody Betz
Guitars written and performed by Cody Betz
Bass written and performed by Dalton Hill
Drums written and performed by Brady Vance
We a progressive metal band out of Kalispell, Montana. our most recent album Xenogenesis is available on all streaming services. Be sure to follow us on facebook to stay up to date with new tunes and shows! Fb.com/zephyriaband
supported by 5 fans who also own “The Real Dirty Dan”
Boy, they came a long way since their debut. Not that Disrepair wasn't any good or so, on the contrary. You'll understand what I mean, if you listen to both. In Extremis is a legit beast in every regard and clearly shows where Bereavement comes from. Awesome uptempo brutality with massive groove and fierce vocals. mourner
supported by 4 fans who also own “The Real Dirty Dan”
Death metal/deathcore hybridization done correct! All the atmospheric passages and samples feel right in place, with great sound. Instrumentation doesn't lack as well, but the vocals could've been a little less upfront. 8.5/10 liltito
